I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
