do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
