he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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