It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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