Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
