he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
