He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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