I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
