Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
