Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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