Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Drunk is a universal language darling
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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