She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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