The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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