I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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