About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We are all done wearing pants today
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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