he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
