I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
