Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
