Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
