Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
