I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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