Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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