I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
