Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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