Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
