Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
