i will never coherently bang her
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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