my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
