I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
