I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
