I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
