I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
