Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
