sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
