I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
