the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
