I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
