The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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