Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am spending my child support on dildos
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
