Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
