wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
