he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
