We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
