Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
