I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Let's get the cat blown out
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
