Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
