drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
