she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
