nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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