dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
