I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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