i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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