Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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