you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
